One.

March 12, 2012

My story begins on August 26, 2010. It was the beginning of my junior year of college at OSU and I was out at the Tumbleweed Dance Hall for College Fest, an event where several red dirt bands play over the course of a few days at the start of every school year. Anyways, on this particular night that I was out there I was standing in the crowd with one of my friends, listening to one of the bands, when I happened to look across the crowd and catch a glimpse of someone I recognized. It was Kirk. I hadn’t seen him since we were small. We had played together a few times when we were younger. He lived down the road from my grandparents out in the country and sometimes when I came to visit my Grandma and Grandpa Hale I would go and play with him. Kirk and I stopped playing together once we got a little older though, probably when we got to the age where we thought the other had cooties, or maybe it was because playing with Kirk didn’t always turn out so well. I’d get frustrated with him because he was always so adamant about us picking up after ourselves. Whenever I’d go play at his house we would pull something out to play with and before we could ever go on to play with something else he would make me help him pick up what we had just got done playing with. I think at the age of 4 or 5 this aggravated me a little bit. Why in the world would we want to pick up toys if our parents would gladly do it for us? That’s what our parents were for; well at least that’s what I thought back then. Regardless, because I hadn’t seen him since we were little the only reason I recognized him now was because of a picture I saw of him on Facebook. I had added him as a friend that summer before school started because my aunt had told me Kirk would be transferring to OSU that coming school year and I wanted to figure out what he looked like just in case I ran into him, like right then. It didn’t take me long to decide that I should go and reintroduce myself so I trudged over to where he was and said “Hey Kirk, remember me?” 

       If I knew what lay ahead of me by going over to Kirk and reconnecting with him, I probably would not have done so. Actually, I probably would have run in the opposite direction as soon as I caught glimpse of him. God was about to use Kirk to take me on one of the most trying rides of my life and I was absolutely clueless! Looking back I am glad God kept me naïve about what was to come, because even though the experience I was about to go through on behalf of Kirk was going to be very trying it was also going to be very rewarding and I would never have been able to experience those rewards had Kirk not re-entered my life. Anyways, Kirk didn’t recognize me when I first approached him but as soon as I told him who my grandparents were he quickly remembered. We stood and talked with each other for a while before we gave each other a side hug and went on our separate ways. When I got home later that night I sent him a message on Facebook saying, “Hey Kirk! It was good catching up with you at College Fest tonight! Hope you’re liking it here in Stilly. TTYL.” Not long after, I received a reply saying “Ya no doubt give me a shout we can go eat dinner or something.” I told him “Ya Kirk that sounds like a great idea! Text me sometime and we can plan something.” Not long after I sent him my number he began texting me and we figured out a time and place to do exactly that. So just a few days later, after reconnecting with him at College Fest, he drove over to my apartment, picked me up and took me out to eat. We tried to go to Rivals, one of my favorite restaurants in town but when we got there it was closed down so we ended up going to Eskimo Joe’s instead. I remember being slightly nervous before he came to get me, I wasn’t sure how this was gonna go and before we even left that night I had written this in my prayer journal:

“Dear Lord, About 4 days ago I was at College Fest at the Tumbleweed and I recognized Kirk ... I went up to him to see if he remembered me but he didn’t until I told him who my grandparents were. I don’t blame him though. We haven’t seen each other in years. But anyways, long story short we decided it would be fun to catch up so tonight I am going with him to eat supper. Lord, part of me is excited because I think it would be so cool to get to know him again and become friends. However, I’m a little nervous because I don’t want him to think this is a date or start liking me as something more than a friend. Dear Lord, I just pray that You would prevent that from ever happening and help us to just become good friends. Please be with me Father and help make tonight as great as possible with zero awkwardness. ..”

God must have heard my prayer that night because supper went really well and it was never once awkward. Kirk and I seemed to hit it off as instant friends; I was excited about that too. I felt like I was gaining a new guy friend that I was in need of. Kirk and I began hanging out a lot more after that initial hang out; especially when we found out that our school schedules opened up for a lunch break at the exact same time on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It became routine for us to get together for lunch on those days. We even got to the point where we stopped asking each other “Wanna go eat with me today?” and started asking “So, where we going for lunch today?” It was a lot of fun, and I began to always look forward to it. Because my class would usually last a little longer than his, Kirk would come to the Animal Science Building, where I had class, and wait for me outside. He’d meet me at the door and then we would walk together to his pickup and drive off somewhere to grab some grub. We would usually grab fast food, but occasionally we would go to my house and I would just fix us something. I once cooked him soy chicken nuggets on accident. I bought them, not realizing the package said “meatless” until after I had cooked them up for Kirk and me. Whoops! No wonder he didn’t ask for more! He was a trooper to eat the ones I gave him though and he never said a word about how they may have tasted different! 

It didn’t take long for Kirk and I to get to know each other as friends again. Between eating lunch together every week and sometimes even hanging out after our classes, we got to know each other pretty quickly. Normally, I would never hang out with a guy that often that I really just met, but I felt like I had a connection with Kirk. He wasn’t just a random guy I met at college but someone that I actually knew when I was little and had connections with. I thought it was so neat that we were getting the chance to reconnect. A few weeks into getting to know him again, I recorded this in my prayer journal:

September 12, 2010… “Father, Thank You so much for these past few weeks of school; everything seems to be going really well. It’s going extremely fast though. The weeks just seem to fly by. Kirk and I have been hanging out quite a bit. He’s becoming quite a good friend. Lord, I thank You for that because I really enjoy having guy friends in my life. Sometimes I just don’t know what to think about him though. He smokes all the time, drinks frequently, and gets himself into some crazy situations. According to my mom, Kirk’s parents are ‘as good as gold’ and I know Kirk was not raised this way. It makes me wonder what happened with him. I’m not saying he’s totally off track. He seems to be a very respectful and nice guy, and I know he comes from a good family but I hate seeing him making these not so good decisions. Lord I don’t know a whole lot about Kirk but Father I ask that You would work in Kirk’s life and bring him to the place he needs to be. Father please work on his heart and draw him to a closer relationship with You. I’m asking You this because the more and more time I have spent with Kirk the more compassion I have for him. I just really hate seeing him live out his life in the way that he does sometimes. He’s a truly good person; he just doesn’t always make the best decisions. That’s the case with all of us I know, but it’s a lot better when we at least try to make better ones. Lord, I’m not judging Kirk. I just really like him as a friend and it’s hard to see your friends make poor choices. Lord, please straighten him up and help him to get his act together…”

      Obviously, by starting to hang out with Kirk so much I began noticing some things in his life that were not so good. I didn’t know it at the time but this would be the first of many prayers I would feel lead to pray on Kirk’s behalf ... Oh, if I only knew!

Kirk and I spent more and more time together as the semester went on, until the day it took a turn in a direction I didn’t want it to go. My journal entry for September 22, 2010 describes what happened:

“Dear Lord, Yesterday when I went to Kirk’s house to hang out with him, the friendship line was almost crossed. We were sitting on the couch watching TV and he wanted me to cuddle with him. Oh no! Father I was so afraid that might happen. Maybe we’ve been hanging out too much, I’m not sure. All I know is that I became somewhat uncomfortable. Lord, I really don’t want to lose Kirk’s friendship. He’s a great guy but I don’t see him as anything more than my friend…”

      That afternoon Kirk’s roommate had left to go to work, and it was the first time in a while that Kirk and I had been left alone together. The last time we had been alone together was a day when I went to Kirk’s parent’s house so that he could teach me how to shoot a 12-gauge. He hadn’t tried any moves on me that day, but we had only been hanging out for about 2 weeks at that point; maybe now that he was a little more comfortable with me, he thought he’d try it out. He was lying at one end of the couch and I was on the other end with my legs curled up against my chest. We were watching Reba when out of nowhere he said, “Come cuddle with me.” Oh goodness! I’ll never forget how I felt when he said that. I went into a panic mode and just froze! I tried to ignore him when he initially said it, but when he asked again I said “No, I don’t want to!” He was pretty persistent in trying to make me, but I was just as persistent in telling him “No.” I couldn’t believe he was asking me this. I felt so uncomfortable and suddenly I couldn’t wait for Reba to be over so I could make up an excuse to get out of there. I remember leaving Kirk’s house and it being pretty awkward. He tried his best to not let it end that way, but I didn’t help him out in that area too much and made it as uncomfortable for the both of us as I possibly could! I probably should not have responded to Kirk in the way that I did, but him asking me that really caught me off guard and I didn’t know how to respond. I thought more and more about what happened after I left though, and realized I shouldn’t let something silly like that get in the way of a good friendship and leave things so awkward between us, so about a day later I decided I would try to give him a hint that things were still fine by sending him a text about something random, like commenting about how I missed seeing him out at the Tumbleweed that past Thursday. I wanted him to know I wasn’t going to kick him and his friendship to the curb all together just because he made me feel uneasy that one afternoon. I probably didn’t help that case though, because a few days later he texted me and asked if I would like to go eat lunch with him at a Chinese restaurant and I turned him down. It was not good timing! My stomach was feeling somewhat nauseous that day so I told him I really didn’t want to go eat Chinese. I did mention to him though that he was more than welcome to come eat at my place if he wanted to. When I offered that option he turned me down saying he’d pass, he was really craving Chinese. At least that’s what he said; maybe he was afraid I would feed him “meatless” meat again! Ha-ha. Anyways, after that conversation, two weeks went by where I didn’t see or hear from Kirk. This was weird for us because we had been hanging out at least twice a week if not more. My mom came up one weekend shortly after all this had happened and I told her about what had been going on. She recommended that I better take the initiative to set things right if I wanted things to smooth over, so the next day I did.

      It was 9:00 on a Monday morning and I sent Kirk a text asking if he would like to meet up with me for lunch the next day. He was quick to respond to tell me that he would be up for it and I was relieved to hear that he would want to. Later that day, however, he texted me again and asked, “Do you mind if I bring a friend with me?” I told him, “yeah, that’s fine,” but not without becoming a little suspicious. Why would he ask me that? Did he have something up his sleeve? His question left me with an uneasy feeling, it might have been nothing, but I had a strange feeling that it was, so right then and there I started praying for that lunch to go smoothly. I’m glad I prayed about it too because Kirk did have something up his sleeve! My prayer journal entry for October 10, 2010 tells all about it:

  

“Dear Lord…[This morning Kirk] texted me and this is basically how our texting went:

Kirk: “Hey what’s the plans for lunch today?

Me: “I don’t care as long as it’s not Chinese or Mexican.”

Kirk: “Well it’s your call.”

Me: “I don’t know…what does your friend want?”

Kirk: “I don’t know, let me ask her.”

Oh my goodness! “Let me ask her,” I knew he had something up his sleeve! I couldn’t believe he was gonna do that to me. I would never in my right mind stoop to that level and do something like that to one of my friends, but he did it! Fortunately You answered my prayers though Lord and I didn’t have to sit through an awkward lunch. On Kirk’s way to pick me up for lunch three of his buddies were walking on campus and they ended up jumping in Kirk’s pickup because they wanted to eat lunch with us. Thank You Father for making that happen! When we made it to the restaurant Kirk’s‘friend’ met us there. She sat across from me and next to Kirk. It didn’t take long and Kirk was starting to get real flirty with her. Oh my goodness! He was totally trying to get back at me. Why else would he plan on bringing a date to what was supposed to be a casual lunch between friends? Obviously he was upset with me because I wouldn’t cuddle with him. I could have snapped him in half right there. If I had a guy friend ask me to lunch never in my right mind would I bring a date or for that matter just another guy friend. Kirk had no problem doing that to me though. I found it highly inappropriate and immature. If he was intending to make me jealous, he failed. Yet, he did succeed in making me mad. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he would try to pull something like that. You saved the day for me though Lord. The three other guys that came along (which ruined Kirk’s plan but was obviously part of Yours) were really nice and talked to me a lot. It made this lunch actually tolerable. Father, again I want to thank You for interceding for me. I am always amazed at how You work. What was intended to hurt me had little effect because of Your intervention. I’m no longer angry with Kirk to the extent that I was. Yes, I’m still a little upset that he tried to pull one over on me, but I’m starting to see the humor in it. I guess it could be somewhat flattering. The thing I’m most upset about though is losing his friendship all together. I haven’t even talked to him since that day. I hate it when that happens. It’s like if you can’t be more than friends, you can’t be friends at all. Friendship was all I had in mind from the start. Lord, I still want to be Kirk’s friend. It’s obvious that we cannot be close friends, but I don’t want our friendship to completely cease because of what happened. Please help me to fully forgive him and not act any different toward him because of what was done…”

      Acting normal around Kirk whenever I ran into him did not really happen though. A big reason for that was due to the fact that he acted different around me, so as a result it was most natural for me to act different in return. It did not help the situation any knowing that he started dating the girl he had brought to lunch that day, not but two weeks after the fact! We didn’t really talk to each other anymore after that. When we did, the conversations were very short and would only take place because we would happen to be in the same place at the same time, usually at the Tumbleweed. I in particular became very stand offish, giving him the cold shoulder whenever I possibly could and doing my best to keep my guard up. This went on for quite a while, actually up until the end of that semester. It didn’t bother me too much, I just tried my best to get him out of my head and move on. After all it wasn’t like I had invested too much into him. We tried to be friends and it just didn’t work out; I didn’t need him in my life. I tried to keep that mindset too, but God got in my face and convicted me about it.

  

November 29, 2010... “Father I have been asking You, as David did, to ‘point out anything in me that offends You’ (Psalm 139:23-24) and one thing that has come to my attention is that when it comes to people who have done me wrong or those I can’t find common ground with, I have been giving into my flesh and not following the Spirit. One person I thought of was Kirk. I have run into him only a few times since that stunt he pulled about a month ago. It’s really hard for me to act normal around him. Actually I don’t act normal at all. Instead, I’ve been very stand offish… Lord, I need Your help in repairing this friendship. I really like Kirk. I hate that our friendship was basically shattered because of what went down. Lord please help me to at least forgive him and release any bitterness that I may be holding against him. If possible, please help us to be friends again, but this time with a mutual understanding that friends is all we should and will be. Father Your word says in Romans 13:17-21 ‘Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written:‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.’ Lord, I know that giving Kirk the brush off is not ‘overcoming evil with good.’ I’m doing what is easiest for me and giving in to my desires to push him aside and basically say ‘forget you; you’ve done me wrong…”

Obviously I was not supposed to give Kirk the brush off like I had been. These verses really opened my eyes to that and convicted me about the way I had been responding towards Kirk. These convictions grew even more when he was continuously brought to my mind over the course of Christmas break. It was actually pretty weird how often he was brought up during my time at home. Everywhere I went he seemed to somehow be mentioned and for the life of me, I could not make sense of it. There were three consecutive instances where this happened. First of all, I was reminded of him at our Hale family Christmas. My family began talking about my Uncle Paul and Kirk’s Uncle Ricky, apparently they were really good friends in high school, and everyone was recalling some of the funny things they did back in the day. The conversation then turned from Kirk’s Uncle to Kirk himself because my family knew the two of us had been hanging out quite a bit and wanted to hear about it. I didn’t tell them too much, if you can imagine! I was then reminded of Kirk when I had to drive by the gravel road that leads to his house; leaving from one family Christmas to another, I had to take the road that goes right past Kirk’s. Then, to top it all off, I went to go get my teeth cleaned and Kirk was brought up in conversation while I was in the dental chair! My dental hygienist, come to find out, is Kirk’s second cousin! This was starting to get on my nerves. Here I was trying to get Kirk out of my head and I was not only being convicted about the way I acted towards him but I was being reminded of him everywhere I went! Wasn’t the conviction from those verses enough? Why did he have to be brought up so many times too? Annoyed, I brought all this up to God one night... 

“I don’t know why [Kirk] has been on my mind so much lately, Lord. I don’t really like it either. I guess maybe it’s because we spent so much time together last semester (until that stunt he pulled) that I kinda miss his friendship. Lord, if possible and if it is what You think should be done I ask that You would restore our friendship. If not, please get him out of my head. I’m tired of thinking about him!”

I was tired of thinking about him! But more than anything I was tired of not being able to escape him! It was very puzzling to me why Kirk had been brought up before me so many times over my break. I was trying so hard to block him out of my head and out of my life but by the way things went over my break there was no chance of that happening! I finally put it together that God was trying to get my attention and show me that I needed to set things right with Kirk, so that he might be a part of my life again. I wasn’t sure why God was pushing for this, I thought I’d be better off without Kirk, but by the way Kirk kept being placed before me and not being able to escape him, I found it obvious that maybe that wasn’t the case. I then decided that the next time I saw Kirk back at school I would do my best to not be so cold shouldered and to extend my friendship once again. Arriving back at school though, I never ran into him; that is until the day I upgraded my parking permit. I had been parking in the standard commuter lots which worked out for me fine until it started getting really cold. The walk from my classes to the commuter lots was a long one so I figured it would be worth it to pay a little more and get a parking garage sticker. By upgrading, I would be able to get to and from my classes more quickly and possibly escape turning into a popsicle by the time I got to my destination. Changing the place I parked also changed the route I would take to my classes though, and when that happened, my new route lead me to cross Kirk’s path every Monday, Wednesday and Friday a little after 10:20 each of those mornings. The first time I crossed Kirk’s path something happened that I was not expecting…

January 21, 2011… “Dear Lord, This morning as I was walking back to my car from class I crossed paths with Kirk. I looked his way and gave him a smile but all he did was act like he didn’t see me and kept walking. Ouch! Lord, I must have really upset him if he doesn’t’ even acknowledge my existence. I must say Lord; it’s kind of been bothering me today. Actually, it’s almost crushing. I really like Kirk a lot. I wish we could be friends again so badly. After all that has happened though it doesn’t look like that is going to happen very soon…”

And the next time I ran into Kirk was not much different…

January 24, 2011… “Dear Lord, I passed Kirk again on the sidewalk today. Same thing happened as the other day, no interaction just kept silent and kept walking. I think I may have misjudged him though. I thought he was just being a jerk but by the look on his face when I passed him today I thought a little different. My assumptions may be way off base or right on track but I think I probably hurt Kirk. The look on his face makes me think he no longer wants to acknowledge my existence because I probably hurt his pride and embarrassed him when I didn’t want to cross the friendship line with him that day. Lord if that’s what this is all about I can understand why Kirk would want to ignore me like this. If I hurt him Lord, I’m sorry. I never intended to do that. Father I know he may be angry with me but Father if possible please help him to put that anger aside so that we might be able to be friends again. If not Father, I guess Kirk will just be another guy who has put me on his enemy list. I’ve seemed to be put on quite a few of those. It doesn’t bother me too much with the other guys’ enemy lists I’ve been put on, but it does bother me a little bit that I have been placed on Kirk’s. Please work in this situation Lord…”

After being ignored by Kirk two times when crossing his path on the sidewalk, it was really starting to bother me. Actually, it began to bother me so much that I began to feel like I had to do something, anything, to set things right again. I wasn’t for sure what that would be but as I began to pray about it I felt more and more compelled to apologize to him. I knew God was telling me that’s what I needed to do if I wanted this to be taken care of. I wasn’t real keen on that idea at first. After all, I didn’t feel like I was the one in the wrong. Kirk was the one that started all of this in the first place. He was the one in the wrong. He was the one who needed to apologize, not me! Well, at least that’s what I thought until God made me take a closer look at myself and reminded me once again as he had before, that I had slipped up as well! I should not have responded to what Kirk had done to me in the way that I did and if I wanted this friendship to be restored I was going to have to buck up and apologize for it! I wasn’t for sure how or when I would do it but I knew it needed to be soon. It was stealing my peace and I couldn’t even sleep at night for thinking about it! One night in particular, the whole situation was really stirring in my mind. I lay in my bed, tossing and turning, because I just didn’t know how I was going to make this apology happen. Kirk would not even look at me, so what made me think he would take the time to listen to anything I might have to say? I told God about this concern and asked him how I should approach this and what words I should say. God was going to have to give me something, because I just didn’t see how I was going to come up with it on my own. Soon after praying about it though, I felt like I had the perfect thing to say come to my mind. It was about one in the morning when it came to me though and I was in the middle of trying to fall asleep so I just thought to myself, “that’s good Lord, I’ll write that down first thing in the morning when I get up.” Well that didn’t happen, I knew I wouldn’t even be able to fall asleep until I wrote those words down; so I quickly pulled out my laptop and started typing it up through an e-mail. I wrote 

“Hey Kirk, I know this is kinda random and probably kinda lame that I’m sending you this through an e-mail, but I hardly see you around anymore and I really felt like I needed to apologize to you. I’ve not been a very good friend towards you lately and I’ve made a big mess of a lot of things. I hate that I’ve let it come to the point that it has. Anyways, I’m really sorry for everything. Hope you’re having a good semester so far. See ya around. –Lauren” 

It was around 2:20 in the morning when I finally finished it. I probably read over it a hundred times before building up the courage to press the send button. Eventually I did though and after praying that Kirk would receive that apology in the right way, I closed my laptop and finally went to sleep. I felt such a release after sending it. I knew I had done what I was supposed to do. Yet I was still a little nervous knowing that he could easily throw everything I had said to him back in my face if he really wanted to. I was taking a chance, putting myself on the line and making myself vulnerable by sending that apology. All I could do at that point was hope for the best, knowing that I did my part and leaving God to take of the rest, which He definitely did! My prayer journal entry for the following day explains…

January 27, 2011… “Well Father, Today was such a blessing! I rolled out of bed a little late because I didn’t hear the alarm go off on my phone so I had to yank on some clothes and out the door (not having time to check my e-mail to see if Kirk had e-mailed me back). Anyways, I went to my Organic Chemistry Lab and my mind kept wandering back to the e-mail I had sent, nervous about how Kirk would take it. I knew I had done the right thing but I was still a little nervous. Anyhow, when I finally finished my lab, I left the building and headed for the parking garage. When I had about made it to the garage I saw Kirk. This had to be all Your doing Lord, Thursdays are not typically when I see him. It’s usually on M-W-F, but nope, there he was. I was stunned when I first saw him because as I said, I was not expecting to encounter him at all. At this point I also did not know if he had read my e-mail yet or not so I didn’t know what to do as I approached his direction. As I came closer though, he did not act as if I didn’t exist. He looked over, gave me a smile, and then exchanged hugs with me as we both said hi to each other. I was so happy that this happened Lord! As soon as we said Bye I headed to my car, got in and just started crying. Like I have said before Father, I’ve been placed on lots of guys’ ‘enemy lists’ but it was really bothering me that I had been on Kirk’s (all thanks goes to You that I am no longer on it)… When Kirk ignored my existence it felt like torture because even though we both did things that may have hurt the other I still valued Kirk’s friendship and I hated seeing it all slip away. Although he can make me really angry, I have a special spot in my heart for Kirk and his friendship means a lot to me. Anyways back to the story… I cried all the way back to my apartment and when I finally got there I went straight to my computer to check my e-mail. Apparently he had e-mailed me back not but 6 minutes after I had e-mailed him! I didn’t expect him to respond at 2:20 in the morning so I didn’t wait for a response after I had sent it. I just closed my computer and went to sleep; this all worked out great though. It makes the story a little better that I had run into him before reading his response which by the way said,

 ‘Hey how are u? I hope everything is well. I have missed getting to talk to you. You should give me a shout sometime.’

     Well I can’t say it was an ‘I’m sorry too,’ which I would have liked but it was enough to tell me he had accepted my apology and was tearing down the walls built up against me (that was good enough). Lord I thank You so much for taking care of this whole mess we had created for ourselves. I feel beyond relieved now that things have once again been placed on the right track. Such a burden has been lifted off of me. Father my prayer is that we will stay on the right track and that our friendship will be able to grow again. Father, thank You for placing the hope back into this friendship. I thought it may have been lost for good, but then again, NOTHING is impossible for You…”

      It was such a relief to get that apology out of the way and to know that Kirk accepted it. And ironically, right after all this happened, in one of my quiet times I came across Proverbs 17:9 which states, “Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends.” I thought it was so crazy to come across this because I had seen this verse come to life just prior to reading it between Kirk and myself. When Kirk and I dwelled on the way we had wronged each other, we built up walls against one another, but as soon as those faults were addressed and forgiven, those walls were able to come down. I was so grateful for that, but things did not turn back completely to the way they had been before as quickly as I was hoping; actually Kirk still acted somewhat standoffish at times when I crossed his path! I figured there was reason behind it though; either it was because he still had his guard up because of how I hurt him or because he currently had a girlfriend and things just could not be the same as they used to. Although this disappointed me, it didn’t bother me as much as it had before. I had apologized. I had done what I felt like God had lead me to do and because of that it didn’t matter as much to me anymore if Kirk wanted to be stand offish or not. The weight was lifted off my shoulders because I knew I had done what I was supposed to and it was now in Kirk’s hands if he wanted to make the effort to have a friendship with me again. It would be about a month later before I saw that happen though...